Service Dogs and Sundays don’t mix so I’m beginning to learn. Let me tell you why.
I woke up on this fine weekend morning and delicately stretched my fingers and toes before making my way to the living room, only to be greeted by the sight of my husband half-alive due to a sudden onset cold. Being the humble and loving person that I am, I pounced 6 feet away and demanded he not even look at me. How dare he bring sickness into this house! Did he even think about how I would feel? Obviously not. Rubbish, absolute rubbish I say! Again, being the humble and loving person that I am, I decided a trip to our local store for Vitamin C and enough soup to go around was much needed. From the other room, for safety measures of course, Evan texted me a list of items he felt would comfort him through this internal storm and off me and the horse-thing went!
As we walked into the store we were punched in the face by the strong smell of gluten-free and non-GMO items, meaning I’m probably in the right place to find a holistic remedy. Once the smell of organic deodorant faded, I realized the store looked how I envisioned New York would be. Isles completely clogged by carts and stray children running around screaming with their hands in barrels of peanuts they were clearly not paying for. I found an abandoned corner, had Hemingway settle, strategically barricaded him with my cart, and set off on foot to collect thy winnings. Finally we made it to check out and I’ve never been so happy to see the miserable faces of grocery store employees asking over and over “Would you like to buy a bag for 10 cents?”
There were about 40 others in line with us, it was like being in a McDonalds drive thru and by the time you realized you weren’t ready to abandon your diet there were already 2 cars behind you. Here I am trying to lean over my cart and toss my findings onto the conveyer belt of success meanwhile behind us was some woman practically dry humping my dog since she had no room behind her, to my left was a child sticking his innocent hands inside my dog’s mouth, and the mother was too busy stumbling over her cart in a similar fashion as myself. 10 minutes pass and it’s finally my turn to cough up my family’s hard earned cash for some survival soup while simultaneously positioning my dog to lay between my feet and the register. Well squishy sally behind me had already scooted up so close to us that as I’m positioning him, he’s nose deep in her butt and the mother behind me is running over his tail.
The best part about this entire trip? I didn’t get any vitamin C and only enough soup for Evan, only to come home and realize I too am getting sick.
I’ll stick to Monday shopping.